Wishing Her Dead
by misspin
Summary: Sometimes Spike wished it was her who’d died instead. It was then


Title: Wishing Her Dead

Author: Scarred

Disclaimer: Scarred is not the owner of anything. Nothing I tell you.

Summery: Sometimes Spike wished it was her who'd died instead. It was then that he hated himself the most.

A/N: I can't seem to write anything longer than a page and a half anymore. I seem to be really hung up on Dawn/Spike interaction over the summer between seasons five and six. It's all I can write about. And the worst part is I'm not even writing anything good. Just short (and some what pointless) dribble. And I've said it before and I'll say it again I hate tenses in pieces like this! Ahh yeah hope you enjoy reading any ways... -dies-

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Sometimes he wished he'd never made that sodding promise to Buffy.

Sometimes he thought about breaking it all together. What did it even matter now any ways? She was gone. Dead. And everyone knows that the dead don't care about broken promises.

Sometimes he looks at her and he thinks that he hates her. It's a feeling more intense than any he's ever felt. He hates her with everything he has. And sometimes he even wishes she was dead. Dead instead of her sister.

But it's times like that that he hates himself most. He can only imagine what Buffy would say if she knew about these thoughts of his. He can imagine exactly what she'd do to him. And it ends with one dusty Spike.

He watches her all summer. Sitting with her up in her room and patting her back as she cries. He watches her irksome television programs beside her on the couch, limiting himself to as few sarcastic comments as possible (after all in what position is a man who watches Passions to judge?). He makes sure she's eating enough and getting some sleep (though she barely gets enough).

As time goes on he finds himself growing attached. She's no longer the sister of the slayer. Or the key. Or the little brat dropping by his crypt uninvited. She is Dawn. And she is his. She needs him. And she isn't afraid to show it. He's never experienced that. Dru had needed him. But she hadn't wanted him. The more he struggled to take care of her, the more she hated him for it. Buffy had had everything. What use had she for him? But Dawn? She was lost without him. And that was something special.

At some point, he realized, he'd become somewhat dependent on her as well. His whole schedule had changed. He woke up when she woke up. And did his best to sleep when she did (which was very little those first few months after Buffy died). He even tried cooking for her once before realizing that he was absolute rubbish at it. Some how she'd become his entire world.

Those summer months without Buffy were some of the worst of his life. When he thought about it though what right did he have to be upset? In comparison to Dawn, what right did any of them have to be upset? It was her who'd lost the most. Her mother. Her sister. And to some extent herself. Dawn had lost everything since finding out what she was (and what she wasn't). And every day it amazed him that she went on. He was fairly sure that had it been him, he would have drowned himself in a bottle of rum and just given up. But not her. She woke up every morning and quietly fixed him some blood (she had mastered the art of the microwave). She usually didn't eat breakfast. Claimed she never had. He knew she was lying. But decided to let it go.

What bothered him most was not how skinny she'd gotten or the painfully straight set up scars he'd spotted along the inside of her arm. It was how quiet she'd gotten. She barely spoke to anyone those days. Mostly just the odd word to him. Even if she'd wanted to talk to the others they were barely around. Sure the witches had moved in, but he noticed how they would never quite meet her eyes when they talked to her. And so did she. It must have been hard for her. Knowing that they were thinking those same thoughts he sometimes found himself thinking. That they were wishing her dead.

Poor Dawnie. But he would never leave her. Because he made a promise. And everybody knows that a promise to the dead can never be broken. At least that's what he'd finally decided.

But then she came back. Buffy that is. And everything changed. But everyone knows that a promise doesn't count after something like that. It never really occurred to him that Dawn would need protecting once she was back. But then again, he was just a vampire. What did he know?


End file.
